Sunday, February 28, 2010

i must write- it will be raw

A week ago my daughter was violently assaulted by an eight year old little boy. She was pushed down and pulled down. She was refused the right to leave the room. She cried for help and no one heard. She was pushed down onto the floor with a folded metal chair. She was cornered and threatened and then hit in the head with a large board. When she finally lay crying on the floor in the corner, the young boy ran from the room, shutting off the light and leaving her alone.

My brain is having problems taking that picture from my head. The picture of my baby, alone in the dark, crying. She is cowering on the floor. Did she pass out? I do not know. Did she call my name? Did she feel deserted and so alone? She does have a concussion so I do know that her pain there is the dark was not minor, but was severe.

As parents we are to protect them, but we can't always. That is a hard thing to learn it is easier to say, harder to understand. In places you feel safe you are not always safe. With people you feel safe with you are not always safe.

She has had some bad dreams... she has dreamed of robots attacking her and trying to kill her. She has had dreams of cars running over her legs. She has talked to her precious Bear about a girl hitting him in the head and has talked of getting him a wheelchair in case he is hurt. She played pretend jousting with him yesterday and Bear got hurt and then she spent the rest of the day taking care of her sweet Bear. Doctoring him and giving him medicine and just loving him so sweet.

Last night I made a mistake. I tried to take her to church. She didn't want to go, but I thought it would be good for her to go. She loves the people there, she hugs the pastor, talks with her friends, hugs her teachers, helps me serve pizza and sodas.

Last night she laid on me during services. Snuggling close. She went to class happily but didn't remain happy. She cried off and on during class, hiding in a little corner so that others wouldn't see her. It was all too much, too soon. I didn't realize. She has so much fear that right now she doesn't understand.

It is all still so surreal to me.

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